Tuesday, January 13, 2009

History in the Making

I strongly believe that, in order for this blog to capture the level of cultural relevance that I hope someday it can achieve, I have to do something within these pages, so incredible that it forces its way into the everyday lives of our society.   It is this vision, for www.thejaredallen.blogspot.com to burn its mark on this crazy world, which leads me, with scorching hot enthusiasm[1] to announce my intentions to give Jared Allen a nickname. 

This nickname will not be some, off the top of my head, poorly conceptualized new handle for Jared Allen.  The nickname will be one that is known throughout the football world someday.  This is why I cannot take this task lightly.  In fact I am taking this responsibility so seriously that I don’t have the slightest clue what the nickname will be.  I’ll be honest; I don’t even know where to begin.

However, I am the right man for the job.  In my youth, I was responsible for naming the gently bending 4 lane freeway, which merged Bishop Grandin Blvd and Keneston Blvd, “The Bish-Ken Curve” and even though no-one uses that name, that doesn’t discount the quality of the naming.

As you read, I am hard at work, thinking and I will not stop thinking until I have the perfect nickname.  Feel free to comment and give me some suggestions.



[1] Phrase used by a friend JR in a job application cover letter.


  1. how about " the lumberjack"?? thats th first thing that came to mind.

  2. The Jack of Mullets

  3. Allright Jared, knock it off.
    You're not fooling any of us, we know you're writing this stuff.
    If you feel the need for a nickname, earn it!
    We the Fans will bestow that upon you, not you!

    So give up this waste of time and start getting ready for the Pro Bowl and next season.

    By the way, what type of knife did you use to kill that pig?

  4. I was thinking of tying in Minnesota...Paul bunyan? but that's just as long as Jared Allen, so It's not much of a nickname

  5. What about just calling him , "crazy"

  6. Thanks for the footnote.

    You know, when Jared "Ray" Allen started for the Warriors, they went 135-325. Plus Spre choked PJ and there was a lockout. Just saying. He was basketball poison.