Thursday, February 26, 2009

Free Agent, Albert Haynesworth

Being 15 hours away from the start of the 2009 season, which means the start of free agency is a very exciting time.  By this time tomorrow, many NFL teams will have a new superstar on their roster.  I want to take this opportunity to examine one of the top free agents in this year’s pool.

Albert “Stomp-yo-head” Haynesworth is a 320 pound, 6’6” defensive tackle who has played his entire career with the Tennessee Titans.  Albert is a real junkyard dog.  He’ll stomp on your head and laugh about it…he’ll tell you your mom sucks, and then push you down.  Albert will make fun of the style of facemask you’ve chosen to attach to your helmet and then sack your quarterback, because he don’t care, you know?

Seeing as how Albert is looking for a nine-figure contract, I figured I should do my part for any team who’s looking to land him and examine a picture.  I wouldn’t want a team offering up that kind of cash without knowing all the facts. 

Right off the bat I can tell you, Albert has a serious hearing problem.  This may not be a deal breaker for a team, because with the things they can do in medical science these days, they'll likely put some hearing aids in his ears.  My grandfather has hearing aids and they seem to restore hearing to normal levels, so how this issue will affect his free agent stock remains to be seen.

Everything else looks pretty good on this guy.  There is that thing about the uncontrolable rage that caused him to dig his cleats into the top of a players head for no reason.  I guess in his defense, the guy was laying on the ground with his helmet off and his back turned.  What else are you supposed to do, help the guy up?  Any player worth his salt in this league stomps that head.

1 comment:

  1. Dude whats been going on...NO POSTS?