The Jared Allen: 2009 Preseason

Monday, March 30, 2009

2009 Preseason

Preseason Schedules were released today. As a seasoned, obsessed NFL fan, I knew it came out, sure…Did it get me excited? No. Did I look it over? Sure I did.

I have one thing to say about the preseason. It is the time of year, when in 2008, the Detroit Lions went undefeated, The Patriots were in a tizzy because Matt Cassel looked terrible and no one knew what the Pats would do if Brady went down with an injury, and Adrian Peterson had 12 rushes for 21 yards against the Steelers and looked like he would have an average 2008.

Here it is…look it over, check your team out, and then take my advice, forget you ever saw it. Then come August, flick on the tube and watch your teams practice squad players fly around, missing tackles like they are in the CFL.

You might say, “who am I watching, the Calgary Stampeders”? No, no, that’s the Kansas City Chiefs 4^th string middle linebacker, he sucks.

2 comments:

clitkeApril 1, 2009 at 9:32 PM
I love the calgary stampeders, especially mike pringle. mmm i love chips.
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AnonymousApril 5, 2009 at 5:32 AM
Long live Milt Stegall and the CFL
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Biography

Jared Allen was born in the Jungles of South America. No one knows the exact location of his birth, all we can say for certain, is that he was conceived in a tree and that his father is a Jaguar. I did an Internet search of South American jungles, and now firmly believe that this event occurred near the town of Leticia, Columbia.

At age 5, Jared desired a new life for himself in America. He acquired a fake ID, and got a job as a blackjack dealer on a riverboat casino in order to earn enough money to relocate.

Jared eventually moved to America, where he settled in Miami, Florida. While growing up, Jared was a very active child, and rumor has it that he was a real handful. That is how he earned the nickname, "energy ball". When he was ten, he invented dancing.

Jared’s middle years were spent teaching math in a Jr. High near Toronto. It was during this time that he started to grow into the man we know today. Growing an inch every day except Sundays, Jared grew 3 feet in only six weeks. Although it is impossible to know for sure, today Jared Allen is rumored to stands just over seven feet tall.

When Jared was 16, he walked from Buffalo, NY, to California in just 103 hours. He earned a walk on tryout, and later, a starting role with the Golden State Warriors. Allen played starting center with the Warriors from 1998-2003.

It was during his time with the Golden State Warriors that Allen invented Coffee. It was years later however, that he invented cream.

Jared Allen officially because a man when he signed a 15 year, $680 million deal with the Minneapolis Lakers, who later became the Minnesota Vikings. Wearing the number 69 caused quite a stir around the league, as it marked the first time in the history of sports, that a player actually invented his own number ( 9 ), to wear on his uniform.

Since entering the league, Allen has won the heavyweight title, and successfully defended it 4 times. He has gained a reputation for his bowhunting accuracy, as well as his ability to think outside the box.

The Jared Allen

Monday, March 30, 2009

2009 Preseason

2 comments:

Now that Jared Allen's nickname is officially, "Rodeo", should the Rodeo official greeting end with a throw of the imaginary lasso, or just a spin of the lasso above your head

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